It is NOT Christmas Season yet.
Or at least, it doesn’t have to be.
While most people in the U.S. are running around crazy prepping for The Holidays, my husband and I are struggling to get through Birthday Season.
Our daughter’s birthday actually fell ON Thanksgiving this year. And my birthday is exactly two weeks after that… followed by our son’s birthday the next day.
Between November and December we also celebrate a couple anniversaries and a few other birthdays of close family members.
So I ain’t even trying to count down the days till Christmas yet.
Plus, since my kids are from a previous relationship, we are a split family, which means time-sharing the kids.
Last year we didn’t celebrate Christmas in our household until two weeks AFTER Christmas-proper.
It is NOT Christmas Season yet.
Not till I say so. And I haven’t said so.
My sister and I grew up as military brats. That means our dad did shift-work: several normal day shifts in a row, followed by several “mid” shifts (like 3pm to midnight, kind-of-thing), and then several night shifts (like midnight to 8am).
Then came a couple days off to try and readjust before starting the cycle all over again.
This crazy schedule meant my sister and I didn’t get to see dad during his mid shifts, and that he was always tired the rest of the time. Shift work is hard on the body; it screws with your circadian rhythm and basically confuses your sleep cycle so it can’t tell up from down.
But worse for me and my sister, it meant we either celebrated some holidays without Dad, or else we moved the date to one more amenable for family time.
We usually ended up waiting so we could all be together. Christmas just isn’t the same when part of your family is missing.
It is NOT Christmas Season yet.
Not unless you want it to be.
Because of my upbringing, I have zero problem working around everyone and moving holidays off their calendar-assigned dates to accommodate crazy schedules. Celebrating Christmas two weeks after December 25 is simply not bothersome. The date is much less important than ensuring everyone I care about can be present.
If you love your family and want them present, flexibility is of the utmost importance.
But try explaining that to people who didn’t grow up with that mentality – people who bow to social pressures to hold the “perfect” celebration when it is “supposed” to be held – people who stick to the calendar like it’s a damn Bible.
I try to be understanding, forgiving, and sympathetic.
After all, these lucky individuals didn’t grow up rearranging their lives around one central figure. They were fortunate enough to have solid schedules that never interfered with calendar-ish shenanigans. They don’t really understand the need for flexibility since they’ve never been forced to decide whether or not plans should change to include everyone.
It is NOT Christmas Season yet.
Because you’re the boss of you. The calendar is NOT the boss of you.
A few years ago, my sister planned her youngest child’s birthday party for a weekend I absolutely could not attend due to work. I was heartbroken.
Eventually she changed the date of the celebration – she realized that having me there was more important than sticking with an arbitrary date. I was so grateful, because her kids mean the world to me.
I have a new nephew this year, whose first birthday falls on a Wednesday. His dad is very emphatic that the celebration falls on the calendar date. While that currently works for our schedule, I doubt very much that others will want to get together on a week-night when work forces many to get up early the next morning.
I hope he comes to his senses and realizes that holding everyone accountable to an arbitrary calendar-date is unnecessary – that being flexible so your loved ones can all celebrate with you is much more important than some silly social tradition.
I recognize that, at the end of the day, each of us has to do what’s right for ourselves. Maybe Wednesday is the best day for his work schedule. Maybe that’s the only day that will work for his household, in which case, DO IT. I hope that’s the situation.
I would hate to learn that a calendar’s arbitrary dictate was more important than family availability.
It is NOT Christmas Season yet.
YOU get to decide when Christmas Season starts.
As all of you go about your celebrations in the coming weeks, months, and years, I hope you will consider breaking tradition and going off-date, if that’s what it will take to round up the important people in your life.
Christmas doesn’t have to be celebrated ON Christmas.
Birthdays don’t have to be held ON the date of birth.
Holidays don’t have to be the strict, rigid events we’ve turned them into. They can actually be fun. You just have to be a little more flexible and use your imagination.
Say it with me:
The calendar is not the boss of me.
