A big middle finger to Naysayers!

May is my favorite month.

Not because of Mother’s Day, which I find to be quite the sham.

May is the anniversary of my marriage to my hubz.

Twice, even.

The first time we got married was May 26, 2008.

There was no ceremony. We exchanged “I do” vows at our dining room table with my sister as witness.

We didn’t want to tell anyone else, because it was only supposed to be a legal formality. My hubz didn’t want to wait another year to get my kids on his insurance, so we became legally wed a full year before we intended to.

American politics and the effed-up medical insurance situation — WHOA there, Nelly. That’s not what this post is about. That’s a separate topic entirely.

It was Labor Day weekend.

The following Labor Day weekend we held the actual ceremony. The same pastor came out to officiate, but this time we were surrounded by family out in the boonies.

The Big To Do took place outdoors on a nice campground surrounding a small lake. We scurried into the banquet hall for the reception, and when everyone took off later that night, we spent a week in one of the cabins down the path.

It was awesome.

We were poor, and it was awesome, and we are still poor, and it is still awesome.

So why offer a big middle finger NOW?

Because I still feel I’m owed an apology by the many people who had so many negative things to say about me leaving my ex and shacking up with my best friend.

People who said I probably just had the seven-year-itch.

{Two years early, because MATH is apparently a fickle little ass-monkey.}

People who said God meant for man and wife to stay together and work through their issues.

{Which would actually not apply to me, since I’d already been married prior to that, so I’m already doomed to hell for that particular sin, in which case, WHY START WORRYING NOW?}

People who said, “It’s not like you’re getting black eyes, so what’s the problem?”

{This was an actual quote, people. Isn’t it simply precious? I fear for the future of humanity.}

I feel like a big middle finger doesn’t even come close to saying what I want to say to those who couldn’t get behind my decision. I feel like a big middle finger is the least of what those people deserve.

But my hubz – my wonderful, special, patient, kind, loving spouse – tells me that a big middle finger would suffice, and he encourages me, “Think about it.”

He’s right, of course.

What I should feel is not vindication, but sadness.

Just think of all the people stuck in a shitty marriage, with a partner who isn’t willing to put in the work to make it better.

Just think of all the people resigning themselves to a life without love.

Just think of all the women who honestly feel as though they don’t deserve friendship in their husbands.

Just think of all the men who honestly feel as though they don’t deserve partnership in their wives. Just think. So many, many unhappy people.

And they are stuck with each other.

[*giggle*]

Yeah, that’s some pretty decent vengeance right there.

A big middle finger, indeed.

I still feel I’m owed an apology, but the fact of the matter is, I’ll never get it. You can’t explain to someone,

“Life is for the living,”

…if they don’t understand what LIVING even means.

So, to all the people out there merely surviving – to all the people stuck in crap-tastic relationships – to all the people who think NOT getting black eyes is a good enough reason to stay – to all the people content with joyless cohabitation– I heartily say unto thee,

“Fuck you.”

Fuck you, not for living how you want to live, but for trying to make me live that way, too. Misery loves company, on this we can count. But I don’t want to hang out with you. I don’t want to be miserable.

I deserve a husband who loves me as much as I love him, and who isn’t afraid to show it.

I deserve a partner who wants to share life together, to laugh into the dark and walk undaunted, hand-in-hand, into the future.

I deserve a partner who can hold his own in a disagreement – and who feels safe to disagree – and who makes me feel safe to disagree – because disagreement should not bring fear that the relationship is over.

I deserve a partner who enjoys my company, and whose company I likewise enjoy.

I deserve a partner who doesn’t avoid responsibility, who accepts blame and productive criticism and works to do and be better.

And then there are my kids.

They deserve to live with an example of REAL love, and to witness their mother treated with respect and adoration.

If you are in a relationship, and you aren’t happy, please know that you don’t have to stay. Not even for the kids. You’re not doing them any favors by sticking around, you guys.

And I’m not advocating walking out on your partner every time shit goes south. If both parties are willing to put in the work, that’s one thing. Stay in it for that. But don’t stay for some stupid sense of obligation.

And for all that is holy, don’t – DON’T – listen to those shitty assholes who will say you don’t know what you’re doing.

You’re an adult.

You know exactly what you’re doing:

You’re giving stupidity a big middle finger!

My darling hubz:

I love you dearly, with all my heart.

I am so glad I didn’t listen to the fuckers who wanted me to stay with my ex.

You prove daily how wrong they were.

I’d say you were my everything, but that is bit overly dramatic, and also it would be a lie, because – SORRY – you actually AREN’T my everything, as I have kids and a cat and also self-respect.

So, while you aren’t my everything, you are definitely at the top of my list of favorite people on the planet.

And trust me:

It’s a short list, Babes.