Your stupid yard sign makes you look ignorant.
A yard sign shows you have MADE IT.
Wherein by “made it” I mean you are an actual grown-ass, non-basement-dwelling human being who might even be holding down a job.
And wherein by “yard sign” I mean that wooden plaque thing you hang from a nail on the outside of your front door proclaiming to all who shall pass that this dwelling belongs to you.
I don’t really know what those plaques are called. Clearly “yard sign” is incorrect as it indicates a sign that is in your yard, and “yard” is not the location to which I am referring. But “house sign” just sounds weird, and “door sign” isn’t quite right either.
So pretend I’m calling it by its rightful title. You know the shit I’m talking about, people.
Since a yard sign shows you have MADE IT, I totally get why you would want one. And honestly, one with the correct punctuation looks quite decent on a nicely painted door. Or even on a badly painted door, for that matter. Out here in the country it could go either way, where “shabby” often gets away with “shabby chic”.
So you go on with your yard sign thing.
Just, for all that is holy, please get the punctuation correct. Otherwise, it doesn’t matter if it’s shabby or otherwise, because you will merely come off ignorant.
Lemme give you an example.
My last name is Brunett. By local consent, one would think I’d get a yard sign indicating such:
The Brunett’s
One would be mistaken. Because what this indicates is that SOMETHING UNSPECIFIED {presumably the house} belongs to one Brunett.
Not just ONE Brunett, though.
The unspecified object belongs to THE Brunett.
As if to say there are no other Brunetts in the world.
If you enter a domicile bearing this idiotic sign, and there is more than one Brunett residing within, it is absolutely appropriate when visiting to inquire,
“To which Brunett does this home belong?”
Or, otherwise, as if to say that, while there may be other Brunetts, we ALL know to which Brunett I am referring.
Kinda like if I say THE Madonna. You know – THAT one.
Her yard sign, under this poor judgment, would announce this:
The Madonna’s
As in, SOMETHING UNSPECIFIED {presumably the house} belongs to that one Madonna of much fame and glory.
Yeah, I agree, it looks stupid. I’m totally going to write her a letter and tell her not to get this sign.
You guys. Don’t be a fuck-tard.
If you insist on throwing in an apostrophe, please stick it on the END of the name. Unless you’re the only one residing within the house. Or unless you’re famous. But I’m guessing you aren’t alone in there, and I’m also guessing you are just a normal-Joe like the rest of us.
Here’s how your yard sign SHOULD read:
The Brunetts’
Which indicates that SOMETHING UNSPECIFIED {presumably the house} belongs to many Brunetts – like a whole big ol’ nest of ‘em.
This sign proclaims,
“There are lots of Brunetts up in here, people!
Or, you know, at least TWO Brunett!
More than one, anyhow.
And this place belongs to US!
We own it!
It is ours!
We are Brunetts and this is our house!”
A yard sign like this would never work for Madonna, but it does just fine for a normal couple, or even a whole big family.
I prefer no apostrophe.
Because, honestly, just having your name on the yard sign pretty much says that the SOMETHING UNSPECIFIED {presumably the house} belongs to you. An apostrophe is total overkill.
When we get our yard sign, it might say this:
The Brunetts
Which basically states,
“A family of Brunetts lives here.”
This strikes me as awesome because it’s simple, and not only is it grammatically correct – it can also stand correct on a rental property.
If you don’t own your home, and you post an apostrophe-bearing yard sign, you’re pretty much a liar-face since you’re saying a place belongs to you that clearly, according to contract, does not.
That’s just LAW, you guys.
Of course, if we ever do get a yard sign for our front door, it would actually have to say something to reflect that my hubz has a different last name than his wife and step-kids:
The Brunetts and the Libecap
Or maybe,
Brunetts and Libecap
Or maybe,
Three Brunetts plus one Libecap
My hubz asked me why “Brunett” comes before “Libecap” when traditionally the man’s name should probably come first in any combination of the two. I just laughed and laughed.
When have you ever known me to be traditional?
Plus, there are three of us and only one of him.
And also, I’m a Feminist so fuck all that noise.
I’m fairly certain we will skip the name-bearing yard sign, along with all its apostrophe drama, and just get a nice flowery wreath that says,
Welcome.
Or, way more likely,
Do not knock unless you have texted a request for visitation and received a positive response.
Do you have a yard sign?
- If yes, did you make an apostrophe boo-boo?
- If no, is it because, like me, you find them all overpriced and obnoxious?
- What would your ideal {Read: snarky} yard sign to say?