Sick Days – NO is not an option!

I recently had cause to think about sick days,

even though I no longer work outside the home. Lucky for me, I can take as many sick days as I want and it’s just not an issue beyond the buildup of laundry. But honestly… that is sometimes a problem anyway, sick days or no.

 

A friend of mine started a job just under one year ago. Last month she was out for three days due to salmonella poisoning.

 

I’ve had that before, only I was preggers when it happened, which made the barfing even worse because it also made me pee my pants every single time. And I was pooping a lot too, so sometimes I was literally on the toilet holding a trash can because everything was exiting my body at the same time from all various locations.

 

Tears came out my eyes, and snot came out my nose. The only orifices that remained dry were my earholes. In retrospect, it would have made for a much better story if they had spat wax across the room.

 

Awesome visual, right?

 

I don’t even know why I just wrote all that gross shit. That’s not even what this post is about. Sorry.

 

So my friend had to miss a few days, which worried her since she still considered herself somewhat “new”. I must be an asshole, because to me, anything more than two weeks means we are total BFFs.

 

I mentioned this situation to my hubz, and he just shook his head at my lack of understanding.

 

“Some jobs don’t give you sick days until you’ve been with them for at least a year,”

he told me glumly.

 

“The hell you say. Stop pulling my leg. That’s utter rubbish and can’t possibly be true,”

I argued.

 

He promised he wasn’t lying. Assuming he was telling me the truth, I want to ask you Americans something, and I expect a goddamn answer.

 

What the fuck is wrong with you people?

 

I would never, EVER work for a company that didn’t provide sick days after the standard 60-day probationary period was up. That’s just stupid. People get sick. They get into car accidents. They have to get their cable turned back on. Whatever. They have weekday activities that are a necessary part of being human.

 

“Companies usually look down on you for taking any sick days at all,”

the hubz went on to tell me.

“I was asked at one interview how many days I typically miss per year, and when I answered three-to-five, the guy asked me, ‘Why so many?’

You’re just not supposed to take sick days.

 

That’s the stupidest shit I ever heard. Why don’t all of you understand that THIS IS PART OF YOUR PAY. If you have accrued sick days, you are entitled to them. The company for which you work is NOT granting you a kindness by “allowing” you to take time off. It’s something they owe you as part of your salary!

 

Employees, you have got to wake the fuck up. You have it in your cute little heads that companies OWN you, and you are grateful they “allow” your shitty presence to enter their domains.

 

The opposite is true. You, in fact, own the company. And the company, in fact, should be grateful you have chosen to spend your time with them.

 

Employers, you think you’re cutting corners by offering low pay, no sick days, and extra duties with no compensation. You are stupid.

 

It’s like the dipshit who cut corners on our house. It might be what you need for exactly one moment in time… but it’s not exactly planning ahead for the future, now is it? The house is crumbling around us. And employers, that is what happens to your company.

 

Let me ask another question, and again, I expect a goddamn answer:

Employers, don’t you WANT happy employees? Statistics reveal they will work harder, be more loyal, become your best customers, and offer free marketing via word-of-mouth appeal. What’s not to love here?

 

Seriously — I’m asking for realz. Because I want to know — why would you ON PURPOSE choose routes which leave your employees unhappy?

 

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again here: No adult should EVER have to ask permission of someone else to take time off. Respectfully inform, yes. Helpfully offer to make the transition smooth? Yes.

 

But ask permission? Absolutely not.

 

Just who the fuck do you think you are? I don’t ask anyone if I can take a piss or go to the doctor. That’s just asinine.

 

And people — if you are not standing up for yourselves, no one else is going to do it for you. I’m not saying be rude and use naughty language. I’m not urging you to take a lead pipe to someone’s head.

 

What I am advocating is a polite discussion in which your sick days are clearly indicated as part of your pay, accruable from the moment your probationary period ends.

 

And I encourage you to stop asking permission for your time off. It belongs to you. It is yours. No one else owns it.

 

Don’t be a dick about it, certainly. But speak up on your own behalf.

 

Stop allowing Corporate America to dictate your potty breaks and dental exams. Nobody is the boss of me, and nobody is the boss of you, either. Not unless you continue to allow this nonsense.