Pizza Hut Says You Are Naughty if You Are Poor

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My hubz took me out for a lunch date today.

I’m really glad he did, because we learned something new. I don’t think it was a very good lesson {apparently, you are naughty if you are poor — at least, according to Pizza Hut}, but maybe I’m not the best judge. So I thought I would share with my readers and see if maybe they can’t shed some light on my confusion.

Hard work makes us hungry.

After spending the morning knocking down walls and getting rid of the mess caused by an exploded water heater, we decided to grab some lunch at our local Pizza Hut. This is kind of a big deal, because normally “going out to eat” involves a fast food drive-through window – but then, normally we have the kids with us, too. Today it was just the two of us, and we wanted a sit-down meal wherein someone else brings the refills. So then, Pizza Hut. BECAUSE PIZZA.

But first we washed our hands.

Since the work had made us both feel a bit grubby, we snagged a booth, ordered drinks and Pizza Hut specials, and ran off to the respective restrooms to soap-up and de-germ. Of course, my hubz beat me back to the table, because guys are generally quicker at this sort of thing. Upon returning to my seat, I found him perusing the kids’ place-mat Pizza Hut menu.

“Look at this,” he said, turning the page my direction.

I saw a fill-in-the-missing-letters puzzle.

No big deal, right? It was a list of words which would potentially place you on Santa’s Naughty List. Kind of cute, in a “We are nowhere near December” kind of way. I glanced at the blanks and started reciting the answers. Then I paused.

“You see it too, right?” my hubz asked. “What is THIS word supposed to be?”

He pointed at the one that had stumped me:

PO__R

I ran through all the vowels, and then all the consonants, but could only come up with one that worked. “It’s POOR,” I said, “but THAT can’t be right!”

“You are NAUGHTY if you are POOR?” No way! Upon checking the key at the bottom of the page, however, we found that this was, indeed, the correct answer. Pizza Hut says you are NAUGHTY if you are POOR. Huh.

Here are the other terms along with their answers

{or click image above to enlarge}:

M__AN {MEAN}
NA__TY {NASTY}
C__UEL {CRUEL}
FO__L {FOUL}
PO__R {POOR}
LOU__Y {LOUSY}
ROTT__N {ROTTEN}
B__D {BAD}
DR__ADFUL {DREADFUL}
WIC__ED {WICKED}
AW__UL {AWFUL}
VI__E {VILE}
H__RRID {HORRID}

I can only guess how Pizza Hut wanted me to read this.

Based on the instructions, I assume game-players are supposed to use the sentence structure,

“BLANK behavior is naughty,” as such:

MEAN behavior is naughty.
NASTY behavior is naughty.
CRUEL behavior is naughty.
FOUL behavior is naughty.
POOR behavior is naughty.
LOUSY behavior is naughty.
ROTTEN behavior is naughty.
BAD behavior is naughty.
DREADFUL behavior is naughty.
WICKED behavior is naughty.
AWFUL behavior is naughty.
VILE behavior is naughty.
HORRID behavior is naughty.

But that’s not how I read it at first.

My initial reading did NOT place the terms in the sentence, “BLANK behavior is naughty.” My initial reading placed the terms, instead, into THIS sentence structure:

“It is naughty to be BLANK.”

My hubz did the same thing. And so did our waitress, a Pizza Hut employee, when I asked her opinion.

The alternate phrasing is where the trouble starts.

In alternate phrasing, most of the sentences work just fine:

It is naughty to be MEAN.
It is naughty to be NASTY.
It is naughty to be CRUEL.
It is naughty to be ROTTEN.
It is naughty to be BAD.
It is naughty to be DREADFUL.
It is naughty to be WICKED.
It is naughty to be AWFUL.
It is naughty to be HORRID.

But some of the sentences are questionable at best.

It is naughty to be FOUL.

Therefore, you are NAUGHTY if you are FOUL.

Really, Pizza Hut? Because sometimes we have to pass gas, and it is going to be foul, and I don’t think Santa should place us on the Naughty List for that. Other times my feet can get pretty ripe – pretty FOUL, as a matter of fact – and again, I don’t think that’s a reason to be classified as naughty. I take a bit of personal umbrage to this one.

It is naughty to be LOUSY.

Therefore, you are NAUGHTY if you are LOUSY.

Really, Pizza Hut? Because sometimes I suck at things, such as bowling or putt-putt-golf or art or even walking across a room without tripping. That’s naughty? I don’t think so. And LOUSY can also mean “rife with lice”. So if my daughter brings lice home from school, she gets marked off Santa’s Nice List? That seems a bit harsh, considering that’s not exactly something within her control. I cry FOUL on this one.

It is naughty to be VILE.

Therefore, you are NAUGHTY if you are VILE.

I disagree, Pizza Hut. Sometimes it is hilarious to be VILE, depending upon the situation. Once my daughter belched, and it was pretty disgusting, to the point that it even stank up the room. But she followed this up with, “My compliments to the chef!” My daughter is only eight, so “VILE” was NOT the term that came to mind. Funny and clever is how I would describe her in that situation. Because we’re supposed to be able to relax with family, and sometimes that means being a bit VILE. Santa — and Pizza Hut — is getting kind of picky and crawling up into my parenting decisions, if you ask me.

One of the words in particular does NOT work at all.

And this is the one that stumped us – me, my hubz, and our waitress. This is the one we felt insulted over. This is the one which renders the entire exercise NAUGHTY itself.

It is naughty to be POOR.

Therefore, you are NAUGHTY if you are POOR.

Really, Pizza Hut? Because we are poor. Our waitress indicated that she must be on the Naughty List, as she, too, is poor. Many of the people I know are POOR. And we are NAUGHTY? I think not. “It is naughty to be economically oppressed.” Um, no, it isn’t. What’s NAUGHTY is for a situation to exist in which so many people *ARE* economically oppressed. And what’s NAUGHTY is for this thoughtless, insensitive phrasing to appear in a child’s game on a Pizza Hut menu.

I just have to wonder…

Who in their right mind was behind this puzzle? That individual, along with Pizza Hut, owes me a personal apology for distributing such NAUGHTY content. And not only does Pizza Hut owe *ME* an apology – they owe all the POOR of America an apology, as well.