My Happiness Project: P is for Pretend
The AtoZ Challenge means posting every day in April except Sundays, which leaves exactly 26 days – one day for each of the 26 letters of the alphabet.
See my Great and Powerful Theme Reveal – My Happiness Project – for a full list of the posts, updated throughout the month.
And be sure to check out , a Twitter list composed of individuals I have every intention of visiting during this year’s challenge.
“You must be the person you have never had the courage to be. Gradually, you will discover that you are that person, but until you can see this clearly, you must pretend and invent.”
~Paulo Coelho
P is for Pretend
You’ve heard the expression “Fake it till you make it.”
Or how about this one: “Act as if, until it is.”
I’m not talking about the kind of Pretend where you keep your Depression hidden from everyone around you and then resent them for not being able to see through your Oscar-worthy acting.
I have done this one. It’s not fair to the people around you, or to YOU. If you are seriously Depressed, don’t pretend you aren’t. Get help. Happy is a choice. The first step is telling people.
Nor am I talking about the kind of Pretend wherein you act like somebody your really aren’t.
Don’t act like you’re into football or racing just to get the guy. Don’t act like you’re into art and books just to get the girl. And don’t act like you’re a rich just to get the cook kids.
This is called LYING and I do not condone such behavior. Alternatively, it is referred to in some circles as a douche move, because eventually you have to come clean, and then you’re THAT person.
I *AM* talking about the kind of Pretend we use in psychology to self-motivate.
The same idea as affirmations or positive self-talk.
I am talking about the kind of Pretend where you act like the person you wish you really were because what you’re really doing is practicing to become that person.
So maybe instead of “P is for Pretend” I should have called this “P is for Practice” but I didn’t and now it’s too late so you’re stuck with it.
1. Beat self-fulfilling prophecy.
If you say you’re grouchy, then — *BAM* — you are. And that’s the end. There’s no going on past that. Everything that happens henceforth will only serve to prove you correct. Any good things that happen will become null and void. This can be a death sentence for a person suffering Depression. I used to edge toward the line, asking, “Why even bother?” And that is a dangerous question.
Try not to go there, mmm-kay?
Alternatively, if you say you’re in a decent mood {even if you’re really grouchy}, then –*BAM*– … no, nothing magical happens. Sorry to get your hopes up.
But there is still some good news. Stating you’re in a good mood leaves room for you to be right. There is potential for good things to happen. You might even get up and take a shower today!
Huzzah! What a great day!
If your self-talk indicates that you are a loser, I hate to tell you this, but you are probably right. No one can talk you out of believing such hogwash… except you.
Your options are thus:
- Own it. Accept that you are a loser, but be one on your own terms. I have turned my loser-dom into a joke. Tell self, “I am a clown, and I am down, bitches!” My dork-osity reaches epic proportions. Basically, I’m a fucking joke. A GOOD JOKE. I’m good with that. I make me laugh.
- Deny it. Instead of saying, “I am a loser,” tell self, “I am fucking awesome, bitches!” Bet you can’t say THAT without cracking a grin. Especially if you try it in several different tones, octaves, and accents. I prefer opera-style, if you’re looking for suggestions.
- Option C. “I am the most fucking awesome clown on the planet! Suck it, bitches!” <– Option C, I choose you.
2. Create a positive feedback loop.
I don’t know if people on the other end of a phone call can tell when I’m scowling — I like to think they can’t, because I make some seriously stupid faces at the people to which I’m speaking. But I do know for a fact that my voice changes to a cheery one when I’m smiling.
So then my voice is all happy. And the person on the other end is happy, too. And then we’re being all happy at each other. And every once in a while — more often than when I’m frowning and making grumpus faces — my happy becomes a bit less pretend and a little more For Realz.
Which, of course, makes me want to be happy.
Now look: I know there is a current trend to buck conventional ideas because that makes it new and hipster and all the rage and click-bate-ish. So there is some material floating around the interwebz urging you to believe that “Fake it till you make it” is so much dangerous bullshit. But (a) they are talking about that shitty kind of Pretending to which I referred in an earlier point, and (b) they don’t really care about you and thus their opinions are to be taken with a grain of salt.
I’m not saying that Pretending will work for you. I’m saying it works for me, and that science suggests it COULD work for you, if employed under non-douchey conditions. This series is about presenting different keys to your Depressing lock. If even one of my twenty-six suggestions works for you, then I consider that a success. If none of them works, I urge you to get in touch because I hate being Depressed and I don’t want to leave anyone in the lurch.
We have to learn to be our own best friends because we fall too easily into the trap of being our own worst enemies.
~Roderick Thorp
Every day this month I will share a book* about Happiness, or fighting Depression, or one that cracked me up good.
Try Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead, by Brene Brown.
*Please see my post “B is for Books” for a full listing of all the books mentioned throughout this series.
Your value is the product of your thoughts. Do not miscalculate your self worth by multiplying your insecurities.
~Dodinsky
Every day this month I will share a song from my Happiness Song List.
Today’s song is “F**kin’ Perfect” by P!nk. There’s a tough spot in the middle of this video, so I’m gonna give you a spoiler because this is a series about DEFEATING Depression, not causing it!
Ready?
[*SPOILER ALERT*]
…
…
…
She doesn’t die.
*Please see my post “M is for Music” for a full listing of all the music mentioned throughout this series. Or click here — Andi-Roo’s Happiness Project — for the entire YouTube playlist.
- What is your best “Fake it till you make it” story?
- Do you scowl at callers? {I DO.}
- Which option did you choose? {Option C rules, and you know it.}
