All my numbers, I will give to you…
… All my numbers, Darlin’ I’ll be true…
My extended family has a very difficult time keeping up with my contact info. And then they get irritated with me about it.
On the one hand, I can kind of see where they are coming from, since there *IS* more than one number at which to reach me… and none of them are a cell phone.
But then again, I don’t understand why they don’t just save my numbers in such a way as to easily find the best way to call &/or text me.
So I put together this little ditty and sent it their way.
Reactions were varied.
The good news:
I found my iPod Touch! Or, as I like to call it, my iPoodle! It was tucked behind some books in our bedroom, hidden by dirty laundry that my hubz kept missing every time I asked him to bring down another load.
Moral: Never send a man to do a woman’s job, where “woman’s job” = “anything you want done in a better than half-assed fashion” because men are sloppy and lazy and just plain don’t give a shit.
If this sounds like I’m bashing my hubs, please understand that I’m not specifically bashing *HIM* so much as I’m bashing all men in general.
A more mature way to view men’s egregious stupidity is to consider that, while women are more focused on details and reading the fine print, men are more concerned with the big picture and the final result.
While I get that it’s important to see the picture on the box when putting together a puzzle, I fail to see how it’s truly a requirement in putting together all the pieces. It might take slightly longer to get there, but at least it’ll be put together correctly and without extra pieces.
This is a prime example of why men are stereotyped as not reading maps. They just want to “get there” and can’t be bothered with silly things like instructions and directions.
My hubz can and does consult maps, but he does not check for dirty socks hiding behind a pile of books.
{*le sigh*} You win some, you lose some.
And my ass just completely digressed all over your face just then.
The bad news:
I have extra laundry to take care of now. You know, all those missing socks that were hiding. Thanks, hubz!
But the REALLY bad news?
You guys don’t know where to call or text me.
And you guys hate that. Because there are already too many contact numbers for me, and none of them make any sense.
I’m writing this in an attempt to help you organize your contacts in such a way as that you always know, henceforth, how best to reach me.
Here are All My Numbers.
1. Home phone: 937-xxx-xxxx
You should probably save this number as something like “Andi Inbound” or even “Andi NO-NO-NO”. That way when we call you, it pops up as someone you know. Here’s the thing, though. It’s a magicJack number, so the while area code is correct, the 3-digit identifier doesn’t reflect the Farmersville area, which is annoying. We don’t even know this number without looking it up. I had to ask Jesse what this number is, because I don’t even know where to look for it.
When we give out our phone number, this *IS NOT* the one we give out.
However, please note: It *WILL* pop up on your phone if we call you from it.
And yes, you can call it if you want, but I don’t see why you would want to, when there is a better number to reach us at.
And you can’t text us here. It won’t work, and we won’t even know that you tried. The ONLY reason you should save this number is so that when we call you from our home phone, you know who is calling. Otherwise, you don’t need it.
If you call this number, and I’m not at home, you can leave a voicemail on the house phone. I will get it whenever I am home again.
BTW:
I totally recognize the irony, and perhaps even the hypocrisy, of writing about a home phone after having ranted about how Landlines are Obsolete.
Don’t pigeonhole me. I like to believe I’m allowed to change my mind on shit. It’s called “growth” and “motion” and “evolution” and is the opposite of grody things like stagnation and rot.
2. Best number to call us: 937-696-xxxx
This is a Google Voice number, which means that regardless of where we ever move, this will henceforth be our phone number. We totally own this thing. And we can apply it to any phone line.
The best part? This number not only rings on our house phone, it also rings on Jesse’s cell phone, so even if we aren’t home, you can generally still reach us. It’s awesome. I would save this in your contacts as something like “Andi Home”. This is what you should consider our home number, our landline.
So, no texting. It’s just a landline number. It won’t work, and we won’t even know that you tried.
If you call this number, and I’m neither at home NOR anywhere near Jesse, you will end up chatting with Jesse. Of course, if he doesn’t answer either the house phone or his cell phone {like if he is at work, or if his cell phone is dead}, you can leave a voicemail on the house phone. I will get it whenever I am home again.
3. Jesse’s Cell Phone: 937-xxx-xxxx
Although that Google Voice number we just talked about does ring on Jesse’s cell phone, obviously the cell phone has its own number as well.
And you can text him there, too!
So you should save this number as “Jesse Cell” because that’s exactly what it is. You should never expect me to answer this number, because it isn’t mine in any way whatsoever. If he doesn’t answer, you can leave a voicemail on his cell phone.
4. Andi’s iPoodle: 914-xxx-xxxx
This is a free texting app installed on my iPoodle which is available when I’m in a WiFi area like home, one of your WiFi-generous houses, McD’s, or the library.
Note of interest: When in a WiFi area, I can also access both my email as well as Facebook!
I do carry my iPoodle with me, but since it’s not a phone, I don’t check it regularly like normal phone-carrying people might check their cell phones.
And if I’m not in a WiFi area, I can’t check it for inbound texts; nor can I send outbound texts. I would save this number as “Andi TEXT” as a reminder that you can NOT call this number and that it is ONLY for texting. I can tell when someone tries to call me, but other than look at it sadly, there is nothing I can do about it.
5. Skype: {various cray-cray numbers I don’t have saved}
Some of you have mentioned receiving calls from us that notate an out-of-state area code. That would be a Skype number. Which we haven’t used in over a year.
So… if you receive a call from someone out of state, it is probably REALLY from somebody out-of-state, and not us.
If any of our calls to you have an out-of-state area code, please send us a screen-shot of that bad boy, because otherwise we simply aren’t going to believe you.
#SorryNotSorry
“Why so many contact methods, Andi-Roo?”
Because we are thrifty and tech savvy, and because I don’t have a cell phone, and because our landline has an out-of-city number, but mostly…
Because of reasons.
We have a lot of different work-arounds to deal with the fact that there isn’t money for us to be normal.
I’m sorry.
I wish things were different, too.
“Why should I have to change all my contact info, Andi-Roo?”
You shouldn’t have to. Moreover, you DON’T have to.
I have provided the information herein merely as a way to make your life easier.
Granted, you’ll have to spend a few minutes getting into your contact list and editing / adding numbers. But once that’s done, you will no longer call the wrong number.
So it’s up to you. Make the changes or not. I have a complex situation over here, and I’m doing my best to be helpful.
Suggestions gladly accepted!
Send snarky complaints over to Jesse. I don’t want them.
“Why can’t you just be normal and get a cell phone, Andi-Roo?”
Because we are hippies.
And, moreover, we really just can’t afford two cell phones.
I’m sorry this impacts you. You can imagine, I’m sure, that I am MUCH more disappointed than you are. I’d love to have a cell phone of my very own.
Although, not really. The way some of you get all demand-ish about my availability makes having a cell phone quite the turn-off.
Sometimes I think that even if I had ten-krillion-dollars at my disposal, I would still avoid getting a cell phone, because “Nobody puts Baby in a corner!” and this is me cutting off my nose to spite my face since I’m an obstinate cuss who likes to do everything the hard way.
“With all these contact methods, Andi-Roo, how come I still can’t ever reach you?”
Because I don’t like being beholden to electronic devices.
Because I put them down and I don’t check them regularly.
Because I don’t want to be required to look at them more than a couple times a day, if that.
Because I should be able to go a couple days, or even a week, without touching an electronic device if I want to.
Because I’m a hermit.
Because I suffer anxiety and have to get away from people, including the ones I love.
Because I don’t want to respond right away.
Because I struggle with words and I want to take my time in choosing them.
Because all the tools I have are supposed to be for MY convenience, not yours.
Because if I’m not home, and I’m not with Jesse, and I don’t have my devices, then I haven’t received your message yet.
Because sometimes I visit WiFi-less zones.
Because sometimes you called the wrong number.
Because sometimes you texted the wrong place.
Because sometimes I didn’t get on Facebook or check my email for a week.
Because sometimes I just don’t feel like it.
Because of reasons.
“Why are you such a bitch, Andi-Roo?”
I don’t know. I’m sorry.
I truly don’t mean to be.
I’m working on it.
Just, not the bit about me being slightly Luddite-ish.
I kind of like that personality quirk.
And, of course, liking things about oneself is very important.
“How about we get you a phone and pay your bill, Andi-Roo?”
That’s kind of you to offer.
But honestly, I’d rather you not.
I do not want to be tied to answering. And if you’re paying for it, I’d be required to answer immediately. Even if you didn’t require it of me, I’d still feel obligated. And I hate obligations. I’m irresponsible like that. I don’t do well with expectations.
So while I appreciate your generosity, I will have to pass.
If you’re looking to spend money on us, though, can I suggest offering, instead, to pay Christopher’s phone bill? He is struggling to keep it paid, and I’d much rather HE has a working cell phone!
“Gee, Andi-Roo, thanks for putting this together! You’re the best!”
Aw, you’re welcome!
Glad to be of assistance.
Anyone up for a rousing game of Parcheesi?