Mick Jagger — Do You Have The Moves Like Jagger?

Mick Jagger, REALLY?

I do not understand, in ANY way whatsoever, the current trend of showing love for Mick Jagger. Sure, I get that he was head of the Rolling Stones, and that they rocked the rocking world, and all that. If I’m being honest, though (and when am I ever NOT?), I couldn’t name a single song he performed. I’m in my mid-thirties, and I somewhat enjoy classic rock, so I recognize this is some sort of crime. Maybe I would recognize one of his songs if it played, but I would not be able to identify him as the singer. Go ahead, shoot me now.

 

MICK JAGGER SWAGGER — Ke$ha

Ke$ha refers to Mick Jagger in her awesome 2009 hit song “Tik Tok” which is featured in my “Go Mode” list of music to propel me into getting shit done around the house.

 

“And now, the dudes are lining up

cause they hear we got swagger
But we kick em to the curb

unless they look like Mick Jagger”

 

… which I don’t get, because Mick Jagger wasn’t even hot back when he was making music, and now his face resembles an old lady’s ass, so can I get a WTF on this, anyone? Ke$ha, sweetheart, you are gorgeous and hot — please don’t tell me you go for old, wrinkled fucks! *ugh*

 

Apparently there are rumors that Mick Jagger is KeSha’s daddy, because her mama didn’t name anyone as the father, and I read in a couple places that her mama went on tour as a back-up singer with the Stones way-back-when. That could explain why she would think boys should look like him. Except that it isn’t true; Mick Jagger is, in fact, NOT Ke$ha’s father. Myth busted. So I got nothing.

 

MORE MICK JAGGER SWAGGER — The Black Eyed Peas

The Black Eyed Peas refer to Mick Jagger in their very yucky 2010 song “The Time (Dirty Bit)”.

 

“All these girls they like my swagger,

they callin’ me Mick Jagger

I be rollin’ like a stone,

jet setter, jet lagger”

 

I consider this song very yucky on general principle, because while I absolutely adore the Peas under most circumstances, this is a remake / rip-off of the classic and fabulous “(I’ve Had) The Time of My Life” which was featured in one of my all-time favorite moves, 1987’s DIRTY DANCING. And fuck you if you don’t like that movie, because just fuck you.

 

MICK JAGGER SANS SWAGGER — Maroon Five

Maroon Five refers to Mick Jagger in their 2011 hit song “Moves Like Jagger”.

 

“Take me by the tongue
And I’ll know you
Kiss me ’til you’re drunk
And I’ll show you

All the moves like Jagger
I’ve got the moves like Jagger
I’ve got the moves like Jagger

I don’t need to try to control you
Look into my eyes and I’ll own you

With them moves like Jagger
I’ve got the moves like Jagger
I’ve got the moves like Jagger”

 

Okay, not to be rude or anything, because I love Maroon Five, but these are some of the lamest lyrics I’ve ever read. And this is the fucking chorus. Plus? Did I mention that Mick Jagger looks icky? I can’t image his moves are really anything worthy of bragging about now. Michael Jackson or Madonna could surely show him up then, and Britney Spears or Justin Timberlake could surely show him up now. Again with the WTF?

 

MICK JAGGER — ARE WE DONE YET?

In my continuing fascination with trying to understand trends (see my posts on Bacon and Gangnam Style), I did some research, but I couldn’t find anything to support the somewhat recent and sudden onslaught of Jagger love.

 

However, Urban Dictionary provided some entertaining commentary, which I will leave you with, because I’m friendly like that.

 

Mick Jagger:

The God of All Things Sexual. Also the lead singer of the rock band The Rolling Stones.

 

The man who dudes must physically resemble to not be kicked to the curb.

 

Quite possibly the coolest man alive today.

 

Possibly the sexiest rock star that is still alive today, (RIP jim morrison, kurt cobain) and the fact that he sleeps with girls that are my age is so hot.

 

Biggest slut in the industry.

 

A bit of an ass, but awesome nonetheless. Describes a person who is hot but a bit of an ass. Also applies to a guy who sleeps with girls who are half their age.

 

Mick Jaggering:

The act of fathering or claiming to have fathered numerous children with many estranged women. (especially prevalent with musicians)

 

Mick Jagger Syndrome:

A mental disorder that makes someone think Mick Jagger, lead singer of the Rolling Stones, is attractive. Symptoms include kicking everyone to the curb unless they look like Mick Jagger. The most famous case is American pop star Ke$ha, who has been suffering from Mick Jagger Syndrome since birth.

 

See? Tell me that shit didn’t crack you up!