Share the joy

It’s just Facebook.

I have been told for the absolute LAST time,

It’s just Facebook.

Because that statement is bullshit and I’m tired of people saying it like it’s anywhere near true.

It’s NOT just Facebook.

Not when you post family pictures.
Not when you put up signs proclaiming to the world which side of the fence you’re on.
Not when you announce pregnancies and deaths.
Not when you converse and share inside jokes and make new friends and ditch old ones.

The phrase, “It’s just Facebook,” only applies if you aren’t actually using it for any of the above.

But admit it: You ARE using for at least one of the above.

So why are my panties suddenly in a knot?

Because I have been blocked by people I love, and I am no longer privy to their online lives. I don’t get to see pictures of the kids, or learn that one of them just got his license or that the other one said her first word. I don’t get to read the jokes or share in the conversations. I don’t get to be part of whatever is going on over there. And it’s heartless and mean and cruel and shitty.

Which is why I generally don’t block people.

I have, in the past, been urged to block people – relatives, friends, associates, basically anyone who acts like an asshat toward me. And I refrained. Because while blocking people does cut them off and get them out of your life, it solves nothing, and is in essence, and really douche move.

I have been blocked by my own mother.

There was a time we didn’t get along {worse than usual, I mean} and her answer was to block me. Which meant I could no longer see her stupid religious and political posts {yay!}, but which likewise meant I didn’t get to see her posts about my dad’s health, or their cats, or how their situation with the homeowners association got resolved.

My parents think my belief in gay rights is anti-Christian, but that blocking me on Facebook was okay? I have to question their understanding of Godly behavior. I get that they were unhappy with my choices. But *ouch*. I missed them.

It’s just Facebook.

Except when I was cut off from my parents, who post on Facebook all the freaking time.

A friend of mine I trusted with my heart recently blocked me with zero warning. We agreed on everything politically and religiously, being both atheist and fans of science. I still don’t really understand what happened, because apparently we are not on speaking terms. But I haven’t seen pictures of her sister or read updates about her house décor or heard about her rocky parental relationships in months now. I get that she’s angry with me. But *wow*. I miss her.

It’s just Facebook.

Except that I’m cut off from my friend, who updates Facebook every twenty minutes.

Lately I noticed that the counter for something my sister posted listed four comments. However, I could only actually see three comments. Apparently one of my mom’s friends was so afraid of seeing one of my F-bombs, even via a shared interest in my sister, that she blocked my ass. I don’t even know this woman. I don’t care that she blocked me. Except, when I’m conversing with my sister on Facebook, and she contributes to that conversation, it is sure awkward and weird.

And of course I make it worse by asking,

What did {xyz} just say that I’m not allowed to know about because she blocked me?

Which is really mature of me, I know. But seriously. I’ve been publicly denied from seeing what you’re saying to my sister? Are you for realz?

It’s just Facebook.

Well, people, if “It’s just Facebook” then why is your entire life posted there? If “It’s just Facebook” then why post pictures of your kids, or intimate details of your lives, or make important announcements?

And why are you blocking people? If “It’s just Facebook” then nothing I say can really bother you. By your own argument, anything I say – including my glittery language – should be easily overlooked and dismissed.

And why do you have to check Facebook every hour to see everyone’s updates? If “It’s just Facebook” then why do you bother checking it at all?

Or maybe – just maybe – it really ISN’T “just Facebook”.

A fuck-ton of people are on Facebook.

According to THESE STATISTICS, about 71% of online adults use Facebook. That means for every ten adults who go online regularly, seven of those people are using Facebook.

Which, according to THIS REPORT, comes to about 1.28 billion people using Facebook.

Maybe it’s time we stop pretending that Facebook is a silly little game we only play every few days. Maybe we should just admit that Facebook is here to stay, and we are going to keep using it, and we are going to record our lives there, and we want to know about everyone else’s lives there, too.

Maybe it’s not just Facebook.

Maybe it’s YOU.

5 comments

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ViolaFury

I don't block anybody, but just recently, a friend of mine who had an issue with a friend we have in common blocked me. I'm still shaking my head over that one, but I can't be bothered with that kind of drama. Like you, Andi, I will continue to speak my mind, and if someone blocks me, it reflects on THAT person and has nothing at all to do with me.

People act like the internet is this big Pretend-Land where you can get away with all sorts of behavior and they forget that there are flesh-and-blood people on the other side of the screen. "If you cut me, do I not bleed?" to quote Shakespeare; applying that standard might make more people stop and think and really, after all? Is an opinion, no matter how well or ill-informed worth a friendship, even an online one? I behave online as I would "irl" and people who think it's okay to be asshats online, are probably the same people who are rude to clerks and waiters and salespeople in real life; in general, complete assholes, anyway. Let 'em block ya, Andi! xoxo

CiaraBallintyne

It's interesting now that you mention it that my brother is an asshat to me but HASN'T blocked me. Although I don't recall seeing his posts lately, so maybe he is just filtering me from his posts.

I too share the frustration of knowing that someone who blocked me (for picking an argument with me to which she didn't like my response o.O) is holding conversations in comments on friends posts and I can't see them!

marjoriemcatee

I stand by my decision to block family members who are straight up assholes to me in real life.

RyanKingOnline

That somewhat reminds of me the phrase it's nothing personal, just business. Except, when it is personal. I'm sorry to hear that people have been block happy with you. I know FB means different things to different people. Apparently those close to you felt it was okay to throw the baby out with the bathwater. Sad. I'm probably not the best person to comment on this one since I only have FB page, not a profile like most. I don't get a newsfeed or any of that jazz in order to keep up with people or other pages I like. But I did want to comment to show support for you. You're an awesome person and the blockers are missing out.

KrissWeekley

No it is NOT JUST FACEBOOK. If it was not for FB last week, I probably would have asked my partner to take me to the psych ward. You are right, I have blocked my brother and his kids and his wife because of the crap they pull. The amount of filtering you have to do and the lists and the custom stuff JUST to maintain the ability to see some of your oldest friends and family members comments and participate in conversations is ridiculous. I don't like blocking anyone, so I set them to acquaintance and then filter certain messages which I know are going to piss those people off or offend them (because let's face it, I have a mouth and outspoken opinions much like yours. I am in the train car of "It's just facebook bullshit grrrrrrrrrr" ... reaching of my limit about three months ago and ... frankly it is exhausting!