Your Grammar is Dumb, but you might have reasons.

Maybe you’re a teenager, which automatically means you pretty much suck.

Personal Example: My son knows better, and his writing is excellent when he turns it on for school papers or love letters {or  of which I’ve offered advice on a few drafts}. But when it’s just a note to me or his friends… He writes like a 19-year-old. You know? Dumb-ish? Teenager-ish? Listens to too much rap -ish?

Maybe you’re in too big of a hurry; you’re sloppy.

Personal Example: My hubz likes to join two sentences with a comma, that is incorrect. <– See what I did there?

It should read like THIS: My hubz likes to join two sentences with a comma. That is incorrect.

Or you could use a semicolon instead of a period. I’ve tried to work with him on this. He hasn’t budged. He just doesn’t give a shit.

Maybe you’re from an area or you have an upbringing that doesn’t stress the importance of writing well for others; you’re ignorant.

Personal Example: There is a heavy use of the term “I seen” in this area of the U.S.

“I went to the Farmers Market yesterday, and I seen lots of corn. I also seen my neighbor. And she seen me, too. We seen each other. I seen that Ben Afflec is going to be the new Batman. I seen the negative reaction to that decision. I seen Republicans be racist. I seen my hubz bought me some chocolate.”

It drives me fucking bonkers, but since it’s a local thing, I try to let it slide.

The second I hear that shit come out of my own kids’ mouths, though, THE GLOVES ARE FUCKING OFF.

Maybe you’re a writer and you’re taking artistic license.

Here’s an excellent example: The poem Anyways by Suzanne Cleary, which I highly recommend.

Personal Example: I say things like “ain’t” all the time.

When you’re an artist, you not only know the rules, but when it’s appropriate to break them.

Let’s talk about Picasso if you really doubt this truth.

And NO, I’m not comparing my questionable ability to write to the greatest abstract paintings to grace any museum. I’m merely making a point.

Please don’t ON PURPOSE miss it.

Your Grammar is Dumb, but sometimes it is defensible.

Usually, you just plain fucked up. And that is okay. I fuck up, too. {You might notice a few crossed out / corrected words herein, which I’m leaving obvious so you can tell I only fixed that shit AFTER this post was published. BALLS!} If you read my many posts, you will find errors all throughout. Even though I generally do a re-read to myself, and another re-read aloud to my hubz, and he glances through it yet again himself – even though I go to all this effort, I make mistakes. That’s not the problem.

When Your Grammar is Dumb, you should care enough to fix it.

Admit your error. Say something along the lines of, “My bad!” And make the appropriate change.

*OR*…

When Your Grammar is Dumb, you should care enough to talk about it.

Sometimes, there is a good reason for your error: an inside joke, a quote, a regional thing, a colloquialism, a pop-culture reference… any number of good excuses exist for your shitty grammar. If your grammar is dumb, but you have a decent reason, spell it out! Let us know! Teach us your ways!

I had an interesting Facebook conversation today.

First, some lady indicated that if you correct the grammar of anyone who isn’t your child then you are being rude.

I beg to differ, ma’am. 

If a teacher sends home correspondence, her shit better be in order. She is responsible for teaching my children – nay, the children of my community! – how to write properly. Her credentials are brought to question if she cannot efficiently proof a document sent home to parents.

My corrections are absolutely essential to ensuring our kids are not taught how to be more stupid than they are already likely to turn out given that many of you believe in keeping kids on a leash.

Look, I can’t stop you from being a dumbass parent to your own little shit-weasels, but I can sure as fuck stop you from teaching my kids to be one with you! That’s my job as a good mommy.

So I will don my cape and smack down your non-apostrophe-using nonsense.

Put simply, if you are involved in my children’s education, you better know WTF you’re talking about.

But it didn’t end there.

Because THEN someone basically told me, “Your grammar is dumb because you said, ‘WTF.’” I am fairly certain this gentleman is an ass-hat. “WTF” is definitely acceptable in today’s online conversations. I was commenting on a Huffington Post article, not an Ivy League college application. And beyond this apparently egregious “error” my grammar was pretty much spot on.

To clarify:

I’m rude if I correct an idiot’s bad grammar.

But my opinion is null and void since I deigned to use the socially acceptable term WTF.

I suppose it would have been much more appropriate to just spell it out, but I didn’t think dropping an F-bomb in the comments section of someone else’s article was cool.

I don’t have any hang-ups about such terminology at home on my own bloggy-blog, however, so I’ll spell it out for you here:

What the FUCK is wrong with writing WTF? We have accepted many other abbreviations into our language, such as NASA and FBI and NSA – the last of which has been tossed around quite a bit in the news of late.

“Anyways”, I “seen” that douche-wagon’s comment and just had to talk about it. Because “WTF”, dude? We are talking about bad grammar, not your elitist snobbery.

So, your grammar is dumb.

Unless it’s not.

But you should know the difference.

If you aren’t sure, just ask.

I’m rude enough to tell you one way or the other.

And apparently I’m not the only rude person on the interwebz, so feel free to ask around.