Frell Hydraulic Fracking

The title of this post is so fun to me, because, first of all, “Frell” is totally being used in place of “Fuck”, all euphemism style, and I really like what I did there, even if it’s not original. Not familiar with “Frell” in everyday common vernacular? Hey, that’s YOUR loss, buddy. More’s the pity. You should really watch more sci-fi. Or follow the link if you’re just a turd.

Second of all, I wanted the title to just be “Fracking”, but my hubz was all blah-blah-blah “SEO — keyword phrase” blah-blah-blah. So now I have to say “Hydraulic Fracking” a billion times (see what I just did there?), when it would be so much easier to drop the “H”. So, you know, Frell that.

Third of all, the term “Frack” is itself another of the f-bomb variety. So I am cussing up a storm here without even trying. It’s almost too easy. Seriously — “Frell Hydraulic Fracking” totally equates to “Fuck Hydraulic Fuckery”. Or “Fucking Hydraulic Fuck-Sticks”. Or, you know, whichever. Be creative. Have fun with it.

OMG. My hubz is rolling his eyes at me now because I’m supposed to be writing about the highly controversial topic of Hydraulic Fracking, and instead I’m screwing around with juvenile shenanigans. ← That was his word. I couldn’t even think of it because I’m still stuck on F-word kinds-of-things. GOSH, ANDI-ROO, GROW UP. *sigh*

So what the “F” is Hydraulic Fracking, anyway?

As if you didn’t know. It’s that crap where we further screw up the earth by digging massive holes into it, so that we can exchange one form of limited resource fuel for another one that causes even more damage and while it’s at it, destroys the planet, but hey, who cares as long as we can get to the football game, right?

My hubz says that is the shittiest definition of Hydraulic Fracking he has ever read, and that I had better be more specific and science-y if I wish to prove my point. He is being totally boring at me today. Because, as has been pointed out, I’m not going to convince anyone to change teams here. Either you think Hydraulic Fracking is bad, or you think it’s the awesome-est thing since Atomic Tribes. But okay, for those who are hiding under a rock, I will get it on. Here go my glasses and calculator and leaky ink pen and whatnot.

According to our trusty dictionary, Hydraulic Fracking is “a process in which fractures in rocks below the earth’s surface are opened and widened by injecting chemicals and liquids at high pressure; used especially to extract natural gas or oil.”

So where does all the controversy come in to play? Well, my introduction to this weighty topic was via the Oscar-nominated documentary Gas Land <http://www.gaslandthemovie.com/ >; I had never heard of Hydraulic Fracking until watching the extremely shocking video in which the process is shown to cause toxic fumes to poison — and sometimes even inflame — well water. Another side effect is crazy earthquakes

((( If you don’t have time to watch the movie,

you should at least take a peek at this infographic,

which summarizes the process

straight out of the film <http://www.dangersoffracking.com/> )))

I know I always tend to barf and get the mad shakes when someone drills a brand-new hole into my already somewhat unhealthy body, followed by high-pressure injections of chemicals. Just sayin’. Actually — one time I had bursitis in my hip and a doctor plunged a crazy giant needle containing some kind of venom called “cortisone”. And after he stabbed me about five-hundred times, I did spew and shiver. So I don’t blame poor Gaea for being a teensy upset, assuming Hydraulic Fracking is in any way similar to getting a cortisone shot.

If you have any sense about you, you’re probably scratching your brain and saying, “So if doing this Hydraulic Fracking shit wreaks havoc on the planet and is a danger to people, we’re going to NOT do that then, right?” Well, you’re wrong, clown.

We humans are so addicted to ignoring caution signs and yellow lights in favor of lining our pockets (look, Zeus even orders us to overlook any presages of peril: Matthew 6:34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.), that a few cancer-riddled citizens, houses shaken-not-stirred, and drinking water that burns right before our eyes aren’t going to stop us from getting our goods. We want what we want, we want it now, and we want it to be big and shiny and fast and with fries on the side, consequences be damned.

You know what? You’re probably best off just checking out the various links that support the doing and don’t-doing of Hydraulic Fracking. To me it’s a Frelling no-brainer, but then, I’ve been accused of being three. So you go read, tally the results, and get back to me with your thoughts on the subject. Start with a more scientific, less curse-laden discussion on Wikipedia.

EnergyFromShale.org appears to be pro- Hydraulic Fracking; claims their science is all in good order. I will believe them if I may watch the workers drink the well water at the work sites.

PopularMechanics appears to be somewhat pro-Hydraulic Fracking, although material is presented in such a way as it is hidden behind lots of “fair” comparing of both sides. However, the negative impact is not examined in full detail, and the dangers are definitely downplayed. If this is the only link you follow, you’re doing yourself a disservice. I only include it here as a matter of objectivity.

EarthJustice: Because the earth needs a good lawyer appears to be anti- Hydraulic Fracking, but in a hippy-ish, “Let’s work this out together” kind of way.

TheOhioEnvironmentCouncil (OEC): Unleashing the power of green appears to be straight-up anti-Hydraulic Fracking, which I’m glad to see since that’s where I live. Thank you, OEC!

I’m hoping you DON’T conclude that Hydraulic Fracking is the best thing since canned pork-n-beans. If you do, I kind of want you to choke on brine, trip into a newly formed cave, and… well, I’d like to wish cancer upon you, but that’s just one step more than I’m willing to go. But the thought was there, douche-bag. The thought was definitely there.

AtoZ August 2012 — A Month of Controversy

Throughout the month of August 2012, my dear friend Aaron and I are doing a dry run of the Blogging From A to Z Challenge. This past April was my first official participation in such activity, and I had no idea what I was doing. No theme, no forethought, purely spur-of-the-moment. This time around, I have a plan. Join the fun!

For this event, I am engaging in a month of controversy. Consider yourself forewarned.