Have you ever watched the annual televised special *A CHARLIE BROWN THANKSGIVING*? We watch it every year (hence the word “annual”), and it never fails to piss me off. I kind of hate that movie.
*A CHARLIE BROWN THANKSGIVING* sucks because…
It sends the wrong message.
Peppermint Patty, appalled over Snoopy’s Thanksgiving offerings, goes off:
“What’s this? A piece of toast? A pretzel stick? Popcorn? What blockhead cooked all this?”
Peppermint Patty later rants about how “Chuck” has all the wrong kinds of foods set out for his uninvited guests:
“What kind of Thanksgiving dinner is this? Where’s the turkey, Chuck? Don’t you know anything about Thanksgiving dinners? Where’s the mashed potatoes? Where’s the cranberry sauce? Where’s the pumpkin pie?”
That self-absorbed bitch never does actually apologize either to Snoopy or Charlie Brown.
Yes, the other characters set the record straight, teaching us the true meaning behind the holiday, but the message that always sticks in my mind is that you can say whatever mean things you want and get away with it if you stick an “LOL” on the end.
You sly dog, you.
*A CHARLIE BROWN THANKSGIVING* sucks because…
It isn’t historically accurate in any way whatsoever.
Linus delivers this soliloquy:
“In the year 1621, the Pilgrims held their first Thanksgiving feast. They invited the great Indian chief Massasoit, who brought ninety of his brave Indians and a great abundance of food. Governor William Bradford and Captain Miles Standish were honored guests. Elder William Brewster, who was a minister, said a prayer that went something like this: ‘We thank God for our homes and our food and our safety in a new land. We thank God for the opportunity to create a new world for freedom and justice.”
— which is all well and good, excepting the fact that there is much speculation as to the actual year of the first Thanksgiving, and it wasn’t even proclaimed a national holiday until 1789, by George Washington. Several states, and even Canada, argue about the location of where the original ceremony took place.
I liken this to Disney’s interpretation of *POCAHONTAS* in that artistic license overrules historical accuracy… the children be damned.
*A CHARLIE BROWN THANKSGIVING* sucks because…
It hurts my feelings. Seriously. I realize that they all make up in the end, but all I can think of is the first and only Thanksgiving I attempted to host, where we didn’t have enough counter space, so platters sat lined up along the floor and up the stairs. We all had a great time, but it’s still one of those family jokes that I will never live down.
And trust me. I’ll never try it again. Fuck that. Let everyone else cook. We start out eating dinner with my hubz’ parents. Then we move on to my sister’s house for dessert, and she bags up all the dark meat from their turkey because no one in her household likes it. We end at my parents’ house where we drink coffee & chitchat until it’s time to go home.
Full meal, leftovers, and no cooking. I call that a special holiday, indeed. And I’m fucking grateful.
