Quiet! Shut Your Face! 1. We are at my sister’s house hanging out. I say something silly, and my sister laughs because, honestly, it was pretty ludicrous. I laugh with her, then turn to my silent hubz, and shout, “Quiet! Shut your face!” Which sets my sister to laughter all over again. My hubz looks […]
Mom let her 12yo get a tattoo and everyone loses their shit.
Mom let her 12yo get a tattoo and everyone loses their shit. There is an article getting passed around by enraged moms regarding a twelve-year-old kid who was allowed to get a tattoo. The pissed off crowd has decided that the mother of this child is a bad parent who shouldn’t be allowed to have […]
Epiphanies {Part 2}
Epiphanies {Part 2} I had a couple epiphanies. I had two specific unexpected insights a couple weeks ago – something Gretchen Rubin of The Happiness Project might refer to as A Secret of Adulthood. The first of my Epiphanies was discussed last week. The second of my epiphanies was equally powerful. With regard to my […]
Epiphanies {Part 1}
Epiphanies {Part 1} I had a couple Epiphanies. I had two specific unexpected insights a couple weeks ago – something Gretchen Rubin of The Happiness Project might refer to as “A Secret of Adulthood”. One of those epiphanies you might have heard a thousand times but didn’t really understand… …until suddenly it applies to you […]
School Volunteer
School Volunteer? WTF is wrong with me? Seriously, you guys. For one thing, this gig means responsibility, a schedule, expectations, obligations. Also? It puts me in very close proximity to other humans. NOT COOL. Finally, it means dealing with other people’s kids, something I generally like to avoid because OTHER PEOPLE’S KIDS. But they needed […]
Memories: sometimes there is pee.
Memories should be doody-free. Sometimes kids are sweet. “Can I sleep with you tonight, Mommy? I want to snuggle you.” Aw, how adorable, right? I will admit it – I usually say yes. Not all the time, not every week. But the snuggling does happen. I just can’t always say NO to that cute-ness. Any […]
Have a nice bidet. No, for realz.
“What is YOUR bidet story?” I’m supposed to write about my first experience with a bidet. I told my hubz that I do not want to tell my bidet story because it makes me feel very sad for my mom. My huz asked me, “WTF is a bidet?” It occurs to me that you, dear […]
Your Grammar is Dumb.
Your Grammar is Dumb, but you might have reasons. Maybe you’re a teenager, which automatically means you pretty much suck. Personal Example: My son knows better, and his writing is excellent when he turns it on for school papers or love letters {or of which I’ve offered advice on a few drafts}. But when it’s […]
Tooth Fairy Inflation
Dear *Every Parent*, If your little child recently lost a tooth, and you aided the Tooth Fairy in leaving anything more than $5 under that child’s pillow, then you are an asshole. Seriously. We don’t all swim in fucking money, you guys. Some of us are POOR. My daughter lost a tooth yesterday. Since she […]
Pizza Hut Says You Are Naughty if You Are Poor
My hubz took me out for a lunch date today. I’m really glad he did, because we learned something new. I don’t think it was a very good lesson {apparently, you are naughty if you are poor — at least, according to Pizza Hut}, but maybe I’m not the best judge. So I thought I would […]