“Would it save you a lot of time if I just gave up and went mad now?”
I was surfing around on Blogher, which I seldom do because it’s all woman-ish and sometimes I don’t feel strongly womanly. I mean, I don’t consider myself a mommy-blogger, I seldom write on women’s issues, and mostly I think women are catty bitches who love to compete worse than any male loaded up with testosterone.
But it was post-election and I saw a few articles that caught my eye. And what can I say? I’m easy — I fell into the pile and enjoyed the trip.
“For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen.”
You had me at Book List!
One article in particular I was eager to pursue: “10 Books Every Girl Should Read” by . Duh, right? A title like that is a freaking no-brainer for anyone who is into books, whether or not they have a daughter!
Book List – because I’m insecure like that.
I took the bait and skimmed the titles and was pleased I’d either read or meant to read all 10. Most are too advanced yet for my 7yo daughter, but that’s not a problem because we do a lot of reading together, so I have confidence she will get there eventually.
One of the things I most enjoy about these kinds of lists, besides the actual content of the article, is the helpful comments. Often readers will add to the list, thereby rounding out my potential collection, or at the very least validating my personal choices.
“In the beginning the Universe was created.
This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.”
Book List, how do I love thee!
Have I mentioned I love books? All age ranges, and a wide array of genres. I took breaks from the uber-heavy Jane Austen by lying back and enjoying the Twilight series. In between the meaty volumes of the Game of Thrones series I get back to reality with some non-fiction — and that ranges from scientific analysis, to psychology, to self-help, to writing advice. I am seriously eclectic. I’m not coming close to describing that here. You’ll just have to trust.
Of all the writing I consume, my very favorite will always remain children and young adult fiction. Perhaps I never grew up. I’m okay with that.
You can see, can’t you, how this article would draw me in straight from the title alone? And how the list itself would please me immensely? I hope you’re with me here.
Book List — this one’s for the children.
“I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don’t know the answer.”
I was in happy land, right up until I got to those aforementioned comments. And poor Adrienne — the readers fucking reamed her ass! Seriously — her list was all kinds of wrong, incorrect, and bad, according to the contributors to this great debate.
Book List — AMAZE-BALLZ (if you skip the comments).
Here is a list of some of the lovely accusations Adrienne received:
-
Books listed aren’t what every other reader likes best
- … which would thereby render the list fucking infinite.
-
Books listed don’t match up to how readers imagined based on the article’s title
- … because maybe we don’t all possess ESP.
-
Books listed aren’t girly enough
- … except that the main characters are, FOR THE MOST PART, all GIRLS.
-
Books listed are too old
- … and we all know that there’s nothing to learn from OLD things.
-
Books listed didn’t display enough diversity
- … because what’s more “grouped all the same” than Tom Sawyer and Anne Shirley?
-
Books listed are too historically offensive
- … and we should avoid all offensive things. Like lists.
-
Books listed aren’t inclusive enough
- …so at least eleventy-krillion items should be added to ensure every single race, creed, religion, sex, sexual orientation, culture, political affiliation, continent, country, city, town, and street is covered.
-
Books listed didn’t reflect the interests of a Woman of Color
- …and therefore has nothing of value.
Book List — mind blowing (if you skip the comments).
“The bird that would soar above the plain of tradition and prejudice must have strong wings. ”
Look, all you douche-tastic, uppity bitches — it was suggested several times by a helpful moderator that you go make your own goddamn lists. But no. You don’t want to do WORK. You want someone ELSE to do work that you can then tear down. Awfully demanding crowd. And I think I hate you all. Which goes back to why I typically don’t float around on Blogher.
I’m going to back up my accusation here — the one that suggests you’re all a bunch of lazy, fat ass cows — and make my own list. And I’m going to tell you straight off that it’s not going to please you. That’s because (a) I don’t fucking know you, and (b) I don’t fucking care about you. I’m writing this list to amuse myself. Which is why most people write ANYTHING of value.
Stupid-heads.
“If there’s anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught and shot now.”
Book List — DO NOT ENTER. OCUPADO. TURN AWAY NOW. POINT OF NO RETURN. I’D TURN BACK IF I WERE YOU.
My list will be finite. That means it will be short and have an ending point. That means it can’t possibly cover everything. That means you’re ass-out.
My list will be lacking. There’s no such thing as ESP, you jack-wagon.
My list might have main character girls in it, and might have main character boys in it. It shall avoid, however, horses, dogs, and boats. BECAUSE I CAN.
My list will cover all the ages. Or not. Whatever.
My list will cover the planet. And also? Fucking SPACE. Eat that, you picky jerks.
My list will contain offensive material. Much like the rest of my bloggy-blog.
My list will include political shenanigans that end up killing people. Since aliens are responsible, does it really fucking matter what the people looked like, or on which street they live, or to which possible Heaven their souls wandered off?
Ready for it? Here is Book List. Books for Everyone, Except for Everyone Else:
The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
Life, the Universe and Everything
So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish
Mostly Harmless
And Another Thing…
~ By Douglas Adams, all of ‘em. That guy was one seriously hoopy frood.
“hoopy: really together guy;
frood: really amazingly together guy”
