This post contains 11 glittery term(s): ass, badass, balls, bitch, d-bag, damn, fkn, hell-bent, piss, tough-ass, wuss.

A Crappy Character is a No Go. #AtoZChallenge

A Crappy Character can ruin a great story.

I don’t have a difficult time suspending disbelief, but one thing that will surely jolt me right out of pretend-land is a crappy character. I’m not talking about someone who can’t or doesn’t really exist, like a mermaid or something.

Once I enter someone else’s make-believe world, if the story calls for a mermaid, that’s fine by me.

Nope. I’m talking about cardboard or stupid characters.

Here are my least favorite people on the planet {or in any story ever}.

Crappy Character #1: Evil for the sake of Evil.

James Cameron, the guy who made the movies Titanic and Avatar, is the KING of Evil for the sake of Evil characters. You know, the bad guy who is seriously ALL BAD, and for no discernible reason beyond the fact that he is seriously NOT GOOD.

In movies, these characters always cue crap-tastic music allowing the audience to KNOW, beyond all doubt, that this guy is seriously Evil – as though we couldn’t tell from the Evil sneer of the Evil guy’s Evil mouth, and Evil glint in the Evil guy’s Evil eye.

I am able to get over this silliness in a movie, because it doesn’t take up more than three hours of my life, and typically there is enough fun stuff going on elsewhere across the screen that it doesn’t matter too much. I enjoyed TITANIC and AVATAR in spite of the ridiculously Evil bad guys.

But in a book, this is unforgivable. Maybe I’m a slow reader, as I will generally give not merely hours, but DAYS or even WEEKS to a book. A book character who is Evil for the sake of Evil will piss me right off.

I’m not saying you can’t write Evil characters. By all means, bring on the bad guys!

But for all that is holy, give the hero’s arch nemesis a redeeming quality of some sort so we can understand his real nature. Readers want to know WHY this d-bag is doing naughty things. Was he abused as a child? Is he having an identity crisis? Does he have a valid reason for hating the protagonist? Is he possessed?

Come on, you guys. Give me something. Nobody is ALL Evil without a reason. Tell me the reason!

Crappy Character #2: The wimpy girly-girl.

I am certainly no badass when it comes to self-defense.

I mean, I can’t even jog to the end of my driveway without stopping to catch my damn breath. Yesterday my daughter and I picked up some garbage that had blown into our backyard, and by the time we came back inside, I felt as though I’d done a Zumba class.

So I’m certainly not trying to push you to write your female characters as individuals possessed of great fighting skills.

But I can tell you this.

There is nothing wrong with “fighting like a girl”.

The best fight scene I ever saw involving a woman taking on a man was one I came across just this week in an episode of Torchwood: Miracle Day {Episode 6: “The Middle Men“}, in which a young woman named Esther must defend herself against a murderous traitor named Colin.

Yes, she is a CIA operative – but she worked behind a desk up till now, and had never engaged in hand-to-hand combat.

The scene was really cool because she didn’t bust out all these ridiculous kung-fu moves with crazy kicks, rolls, and flips. Instead, she depended upon what a normal person would utilize in an unanticipated fight for life: a good kick to the balls, thumbs gouging out eyes, biting, and basically just doing whatever she could to stay on top.

Best of all:

It was completely believable. She wasn’t a tough-ass fighter, but nor was she a wuss. She didn’t just lie down and take it, or stand in a corner squealing with fear and wringing her hands helplessly like some maiden in distress, waiting for a man to come along and save her.

Honestly, it doesn’t matter whether or not she won the fight, because to me, that’s not the point. She held her own. And that’s the kind of woman character I like to see.

Crappy Character #3: The overly-done bitch warrior.

Speaking of badass fighters – I don’t like the opposite extreme in female characters, either.

Weeping along the sidelines is horrible, yes, but coming out all dressed in black leather and hell-bent for action is just as bad. I will admit, this style of awesome woman appealed to me for a while, because GO GIRL POWER!

But it got really old, really fast. Because it’s just not realistic. Most women aren’t like that. We can’t run in heels and we can’t run up walls and we can’t all be Cat Woman.

I refer back to Esther from my previous example. She didn’t go all girly-girl, but nor did she suddenly become a fkn ninja.

There are exceptions.

Obviously if your story calls for one of these archetypes, you gotta do what’s right for your book.

My opinion on this topic should be taken with a grain of salt – but not dismissed altogether.

Because 100% of the time, a Crappy Character will ruin a good story.

If you have to include a bad guy who is Evil for the sake of Evil, go ahead – but please make sure this role is imperative, or else I will throw your book against the wall.

If your female has a reason for being a wimpy little strudel, please give us a reason for her inability to even try to help the team.

If your female is Cat Woman or the like, please make the world in which she lives reflect such.

Baby Doll from the movie SUCKER PUNCH is a great example of this concept. She can only kick ass during the dream sequences. In her real life, she is just a small girl who dances and has been beaten down and raped and is imprisoned in a nut house. The Girl Power fight scenes in heels make total sense because they represent how she chooses to view what is happening to her, rather than what she is actually enduring.

Don’t give me a Crappy Character simply because you are too lazy to do any better.

That’s cheating.

Cheating you out of better writing, and cheating me out of a good read.

And I don’t truck with cheaters.

Visit to see who I’m making time for this month.

Or stop by my post The Great and Powerful AtoZ Challenge Theme Reveal to see a list of all my AtoZ entries for 2014.