Edit:

Note added Monday, December 1, 2014:  Steven Sauc reports via his blog that the Context board has disbanded itself will now be taken over by people who actually might give a shit about enforcing the sexual harassment policy. This is excellent news, indeed, and I cannot wait to see what wonderful things they make happen next year at Context 28. 

---

 

People I get fired accidentally.

I have a penchant for breaking clans.

Okay, that phrase isn’t entirely true. I’m not the one who broke any clans. That was my sister. She and her husband used to play one of those online computer games – Lineage – and they belonged to a large, international group of people who joined forces to kill big boss monsters; do raids; gain money, items, and experience points; and level up their characters. They enjoyed it very much.

Until a clan-mate was an asshole.

I don’t remember exactly how it went down. But the gist is this: No one spoke up, except my sister. And then everyone told my sister to back down. Which is common in society. People are allowed to act like jerks but we aren’t usually allowed to call them on it.

If you see trash, do not point at it. Nobody likes to see the burning finger of truth. That calls attention to the fact that no one else was brave enough to stand up and put a stop to the bullshit. And people don’t like to feel like wusses. Especially when they ARE wusses.

So my sister was all like, “Um, excuse me, ass-clowns? Come again?”

And people were like, “You heard me. Sit down, don’t rock the boat, stop making waves, and put your finger away. The trash is fine.”

And then the clan exploded.

By which I mean arguments broke out and the clan split up.

Over ten years later, there are a couple individuals – the Norwegians {and yes, that’s what we call them: THE Norwegians, because these two guys represent the entire country for us} – who keep in touch with my sister and her husband. The rest of the band? Disbanded and scattered to the international winds.

So my sister breaks clans.

I merely get people fired. It’s a life skill, you guys.

People I get fired #1: My aunt’s coworker.

I have this aunt who leans pretty far to the Right. Which means we disagree ideologically on just about all topics ever. And that’s fine.

But also, she lives several states away from me. So we never see each other. And that’s fine too.

But see, I’m a military brat, so even in childhood, I’ve only seen this lady like maybe five times. And that’s a generous count. And that’s WAY fine.

Yet, I ended up on her mass-email chain-letter list.

Not fine. Not fine at all. Not fine in any way whatsoever.

I used to just delete them, sight unseen. That seemed the polite, mature, smart thing to do.

Why antagonize a silly lion? You never can tell if that thing is going to juggle balls or eat the clowns. One is just as likely – and just as illogical – as the other. You never can tell with those crazy lions.

I made the mistake of opening one of her emails however. I couldn’t help myself. The subject line said something science-ish. I’m a perpetual student of all things science. I was drawn to it. The words made me do it. Totes not my fault, people.

And then the message itself belied the science in the message line. I about lost my mind. All I could think was that someone had erred and thus incorrect information was being shared with others that I was required, as a fan of logic and smarts and all things NOT incorrect, to fix it.

So I hit “REPLY ALL” and posted a link to accurate information countering the flawed material. I also may, or may not, have said something to the effect of,

“That is actually not true. Please read the information provided via this link to better understand the issue.”

I promise I was just that brief, and just that civil.

I hit “SEND” and my heart stopped beating so fast. My breaths came more easily. My body relaxed. Incorrect information, and the spreading thereof, makes me sick. But I had helped cure the world of wrongness and thus all was well.

Until one of the people on my aunt’s mass-email chain-letter list replied to me – using the same aforementioned “REPLY ALL” function.

She hollered at me – and I know it was hollering because most of it was in all-caps – and cursed my ignorance and said nobody wanted to read my truths {riddle me THAT one, Batman}. Then she intimated that I was horrible, foul scum to have used “REPLY ALL” to address my crazy agenda.

In front of everyone, she was totally mean to me. And also stupid. See what I mean about silly lions being unpredictable?

This email was the first time I ever heard the term “vitriol” and in a twist of irony, she accused me of using it. I had to look it up because I didn’t know what it meant. I’m still scratching my noggin.

I felt the need to defend my honor, so I hit “REPLY ALL” once again and, maintaining my civility, said something along these lines:

“I’m sorry you didn’t like the facts. However, yelling at me doesn’t make them not be facts. My aunt is the one who sent the original email with all of our addresses listed in plain view, so if you don’t like my use of ‘REPLY ALL’ I recommend taking it up with her.”

Of course she couldn’t leave it alone. She sent this back:

“blah-blah-blah ANGRY blah-blah-blah HOW DARE YOU blah-blah-blah RUDE blah-blah-blah STINKY BUTT blah-blah-blah BAD BREATH blah-blah-blah HATE YOU SO MUCH blah-blah-blah DIE REBEL SCUM”

Or very nearly close to those words. I’m not quoting verbatim.

I was pretty shocked at this. I mean, I can be a jerk, but Rebel Scum? Come on. If anyone was being Rebel Scum, it was definitely this silly lion.

I asked her to please leave me alone. I pointed out that we didn’t know each other, and that we should probably keep it that way. I told her I would like to cease contact. I said that I did not have a stinky butt or bad breath and that I would like her to stop being mean at me.

So.Much.Rage. It just got worse from there.

About a week after all this lunatic behavior, I got an email from a Beautiful Stranger.

Turns out this psycho bitch had been sending her “vitriolic” messages from her work email, from her work computer, during working hours. Beautiful Stranger was the silly lion’s supervisor, and she was writing to apologize for the silly lion’s messages, and to inform me the company did not want her representing them in such a negative fashion. Beautiful Stranger assured me that the company in no way supported the silly lion’s inappropriate behavior.

That ass-clown got fired. Because of me. Without me even trying.

People I get fired #2: A Denny’s manager.

A group of rowdy miscreants met at a corner booth in an all-night restaurant. I was among them. It was Denny’s. Because that’s where you go when the bars all close and you’re under the age of 25.

We gave our waitress such a hard time. I would have felt sorry for her except that she handled us with aplomb and met our every poke and prod with a witty barb. She seemed to be enjoying herself.

Until her manager yelled at her – in front of the entire restaurant – to stop goofing off with her friends.

We called him over and explained that the waitress didn’t even know us, and that we didn’t want her in trouble on our behalf, apologized for our behavior.

No dice. He was having none of it. He continued to berate her. So we got pretty fucking angry. We apologized to our waitress – and left her a hefty tip – and approached the cash register to get on up out of that nonsense.

But I wasn’t done. I don’t like it when people get in trouble for things they haven’t done. That shit pisses me off to no end. It’s bullying and power tripping and I’ll have none of it.

So as I paid my portion of the bill, I called the manager over and told him that it was unacceptable for him to talk down to his employees in front of paying customers.

He explained in harsh terms that he would talk to his employees any damn way he pleased.

I responded that he was a horrible person and that I wanted to speak to his manager immediately.

He informed me that he WAS the manager.

I called bullshit. He cussed at me to GTFO. Then he stomped off.

And the cashier passed me the toll-free number to the Denny’s complaint department, which I smilingly accepted and utilized immediately from the parking lot.

The following weekend, upon our return to that hot spot, we learned he was no longer with the company.

Huh. Wonder how THAT happened?

People I get fired #3: The chainmail guy.

You may recall from my previous post a brief vignette in which I mentioned a certain balding ponytailed dude who intimated that I’m ugly-ish in comparison to my gorgeous best friend.

You may likewise recall that I summed up that situation with the statement, “Sometimes you have to laugh.”

I wrote that because, although of course the comment he made was hurtful, as a women I’ve endured far worse than one mild insult.

I wrote that because, although of course the comment he made was hurtful, I was molested as a child and raped as a young adult and physically abused as a wife, so this guy’s offhand comment was a drop in the bucket by comparison.

I wrote that because, although of course the comment he made was hurtful, I’m confident enough now, after years of medication and therapy and the support of loved ones, to not need approval or validation from others.

I wrote that because, although of course the comment he made was hurtful, at the end of the day, it made a pretty funny story.

I never intended to seek retribution or vengeance or anything like that. My writing soothes my hurts. Once vented, the pain is assuaged. I’m learning to let go of aches that aren’t mine to hold.

What happened, though, was completely out of my control, once I hit “PUBLISH”. And I’m still not sure how I feel about it. It’s all very confusing.

The staff of Context got hold of my post – naturally, as I raved about how awesome it was! They were very concerned about my experience. They hoped it didn’t ruin my enthusiasm for conventions in general and Context in particular. They assured me they would address the issue. They asked if I was okay. They told me, encouragingly, that they wished I’d been brave enough to report the situation.

I was rather taken aback by all this attention to what I considered the smallest, least important part of my entire post. I was surprised that anyone assumed I would hold one person – an insignificant guy – responsible for an entire event. And I was bothered that perhaps I hadn’t made myself clear that I was still a fan of Context, and that the comment hadn’t ruined my weekend in any way whatsoever.

My reaction makes sense. It makes sense for me, and who I am, and my journey.

But it’s important to examine Context’s swift and thorough reaction. They weren’t doing this just for ME, per se. They were doing this for women of all ages, at all stages in the journey.

Chainmail guy’s insult was deemed sexual harassment.

As a result, he has been banned from Context for five years.

This isn’t sitting well with me, even though I understand WHY it had to be done. It’s not about me. It’s about women being comfortable in a traditionally male-oriented arena. I do get that.

But still.

My brain says YES, while my heart says NO.

In the first two cases of me getting people fired, the individuals were hateful and mean-spirited. I didn’t get that feeling from chainmail guy. He didn’t seem BAD so much as STUPID. There’s a difference, and the difference is important to me.

It’s the difference between my mom – who knows I’m mostly atheist – telling me to pray, versus a kind stranger offering the same advice.

It’s the difference between a young punk spitting the N-word as an insult, versus a 500-hundred-year-old man “talkin’ kindly ‘bout them colored folk”.

It’s the difference between some woman on the street asking about my dye job, versus a hair dress addressing the same question.

Intention is everything with me. What’s in your heart is more important to me than what comes out of your stupid mouth. Hearts are generally good; it’s our mouths that fuck things up.

Words are important.

They were used, in all instances, incorrectly for public consumption.

And they were used, as a result, in getting those people fired.

Never was this message brought home to me so well as in this last case.